Obserations in Early July
The picture associated with the blog is a stock, watermarked picture of a baby. He represents our grandchild, also a baby boy, born yesterday. I wouldda used a real picture but it’s a little early to put the real kid on the Internet.
Americans believe that when too much time has passed since I posted a blog that I am out of country doing great things, such as in Bora Bora discovering new species of birds. Or in the Amazon helping the indigenous people fight off the Florida natural resource exploiters. Well, of course, I’m doing that and more. But if I told you, I’d have to kill you. Sorry, that’s shop talk from my days in the CIA when I was the handler for Roland, the Headless Thompson Gunner.
Those of you who subscribe to our newsletter can vote for our next blog. Two short stories are in the works. Please vote of which one we should start serializing in the next blog. This is rank order voting, so please identify your choices in order.
1. Due to the high price of gas, I felt I could best serve humanity by holding up my local gas station. I expected no resistance with my gold-plated Glock 9mm. How was I to know the attendant had a pink AR-15? She opened fire on me as soon I got out the car. I quickly dived back in my car, laid down in the front seat while she continued to fire, blowing out the windows. As I pulled away, she fired five hot rounds into my gas tank that exploded in a 10-foot-high fire ball. My car was totaled. Luckily, I escaped into the woods with nothing but minor burns and my clothes reeking of gasoline. Damn, now I can’t go back there, and they have the freshest bags of Cheetos in town.
2. On a dark moonless night, I strolled down the old, splintered pre-war Dewey Beach boardwalk armed with nothing but the terrible weapon of my machete wit. Suddenly, Heather jumped out from behind a trash can and asked me if I wanted to go to an orgy with her. I responded…
Please submit your vote by COB, December 31, 2023.
Guido, my life coach, and eye doctor recommended I get cataract surgery. I am so glad I waited for medical science to evolve. There are SO many choices today that people who had cataract surgery only last year are signing up for it again. Easy-peasy. First, they measure your eye using a Multipurpose Laser Tape Measure Line 8ft+ Tape Measure Ruler Adjusted Standard and Metric Rulers Update Batteries MICMI that you can purchase on Amazon. That is excellent for measuring height and width, but it is also how they measure depth. You hold the yardstick against your head (this where the level comes in handy) and they X-ray your head. Then they order your chosen eye from Guido’s Cadaver Body-Parts Yard. You select eye color, natural or corrected vision specifications, and even whether you want tear ducts. As you get more specific the price goes up and you may have to wait a little longer. For example, color matching with your good eye cost a little extra. Guido, or some equally qualified surgeon, removes your bad eye and pops in the new one. If he can remove your bad eye without much damage, you can get a trade-in from Amazon, but that is not guaranteed.
Young people believe they will never cataract surgery. No such luck. You can delay it, however, by never drinking any craft beer or distilled beverage from Kentucky, Texas, Alabama, or Tennessee. Your best alternative sources are New York, California, and Maryland. Write us for recommendations. You can delay cataract surgery and routinely get drunk free of guilt. A win-win.
Thank you all for your entries for our contest to name the best mass shooting for 2023. This year is turning out to be a banner year with so many choices.
Back in the good old days, courts only listened to you if you suffered some harm. You had to have something called “standing,” like, “Show us the cut where the fruit stand landed on your foot.” But no more. The Christian Nationalist, who the Supreme Court allowed to discriminate against people, suffered no harm whatsoever. The State of Colorado did nothing to her, and the gay couple that supposedly caused her overwhelming stress and hardship were completely made up. A total fiction. Despite that, the Supreme Court ruled Christians need only imagine they have a problem to violate the rights of others. The group that sponsored this woman’s “no harm, no foul,” lawsuit paid Justice Amway Barrett to speak to them five times. She did not recluse herself as accepting money from parties before the court is the only way these poor justices can afford to live in Washington, DC.
That’s all, folks. Keep on sending in those cards and letters with your votes!