War and Tickets
Today is the 2,999th anniversary of the day when Agamemnon came home to Athens after the 10-year war to conquer Troy. Germany, you may remember, occupied Paris while the French were discussing existentialism at Left Bank cafes. This led to the French Vichy government that conspired with the Nazis to murder and torture tens of thousands of innocent victims and send Jews to the gas chambers. The French were awful. (Therefore, Congress renamed French fries to Freedom fries.)
But I digress. The Paris this is about is the Paris that kidnapped Helen of Troy, the most beautiful woman in the ancient world, and he absconded with her to Troy to live happily ever after (HEA). This agitated the Athenians for reasons not known. She was an embarrassment to them as she routinely locked herself in her car with her car keys. She was a blonde.
Helen’s girlfriends tried to talk her out of going with Paris. She responded, “After I’ve been down on the farm, how can I not see Paree?” A Greek chorus with Doris Day broke out into, “I Love Paris in the Springtime.” Subsequently, they flew from Troy to Paris, where they got married.
Meanwhile, the Athenians remained angry. They tried to sail to Troy, but the winds did not favor them. Agamemnon (remember him from the first paragraph?) murdered his daughter to convince the gods to allow him to sail to Troy. And Athenians were mad at Paris who did nothing more than kidnap Hellen??!
The bloody ten-year war between Troy and Athens and Troy left us with great sayings. Doctors named the Achilles’ tendon after Achilles, a great warrior whose only weakness was his heel, and an arrow struck him in the heel and killed him. A biggie was the Trojan Horse, a large wooden horse filled with soldiers was given to Troy as a gift. Troy people pulled it into the city. The soldiers egressed the wooden horse and killed everyone in Troy. Now we say, “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” The war was a gold mine for linguistics.
So, Agamemnon came back to Athens as a victorious conqueror this very day. Also, his wife murdered him this day to avenge his murdering their daughter. What goes around comes around, even back then.
I’m sure most of you know how the companies that built the World Cup soccer stadiums in Qatar imported poor Asian workers and then exploited them. Basically, treated them as if they were enslaved people In America. Qatar deported all the poor Asian workforce, many without pay. They built the stadiums you see during the World Cup on the blood of the poor.
Why should you care? I’m sure most of you would like to see a reenactment of the Trojan war. Now you can. On the 3,000th anniversary of Agamemnon returning home, exactly one year from now, the right-wing government of Italy will stage a reenactment of the war in the Colosseum in Rome. Real swords, real spears, and actual blood. They enlisted the destitute workers from the World Cup to take part. They will be well paid and if they die, their family gets a bonus.
Of course, Italy chose Ticketmaster to promote this and handle the ticket sales. Get online now to register for the pre-sale. Tickets start at $9.95 a piece but are subject to increases as you try to buy them. Also, there will be the usual Ticketmaster admin fees, augmented by additional fees to cover the family death benefits.
FYI, the recent fiasco concerning tickets for Taylor Swift led Ticketmaster to adjust their business model. They are hoping the contract with Italy will lead to further contracts to sell tickets to blood sports, such as a contract to sell tickets when China attacks Taiwan. Watch for a Ticketmaster Tweet announcing tickets to see that war.
Admin: Because of the need to draft the family Christmas letter, and get teeth cleaned, and a new tattoo, there will be a break until the next post. Check back in mid-December or sign up for a notice on the contact page.