Small Town America
The picture associated with the post is from an Art Journal I did for a class on art journaling from our local art museum. I am really not aware as to why this picture is here.
My adopted hometown is Easton, Maryland. Taylor Swift’s hometown is West Reading, Pennsylvania. Sam Smith’s hometown is London, England. And what do these hometowns have in common other than be the homes to great musicians? They all are small towns in the middle of nowhere.
Americans believe that all small towns in the middle of nowhere are American as Apple Pie. And all Americans know there is nothing about Apple Pie that is American. Pies aren’t American. Nowhere, no-way. Pies were made in Europe way back in the Dark Ages. The Dark Ages weren’t dark, but let’s not go there now. And as for Apples? Sorry, they are Asian. What about putting an Asian apple in a European pie crust, does that make it American? No.
Are hometowns uniquely American? You know the answer.
So what the hell is this blog entry about? Well, it be about small hometowns. Within our culture, little hometowns are a big deal. (Get that semi-oxymoron in that last sentence?) All of us remember when one of the stupidest people ever to run for a presidential office in the United States said that true Americans are only found in small towns. She was the presidential ticket known as “Team Assholes,” which was defeated. Yay!
Where were we? Oh, yeah, small towns.
Thornton Wilder’s play, “Our Town,” is about as American as Apple Pie. It is set in a little town. My guess, and I have no reason to believe this, is that “Our Town” has been performed at least once in every high school in the United States. I can’t speak for Canada, but I’d bet it is popular in our northern provinces’ schools as well. It is a nice play, a cozy play, without any sex, drugs, or rock and roll. No nudity, of course.
Prima facie, you might think the play sucks. But that would be unfair. The play won the 1938 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for Plays Having No Sex, Drugs or Rock and Roll. Okay, so there were no other entries in 1938, but still... Also, the play is officially designated as a metatheatrical play. As all Facebook and Instagram users know, Meta is Good. “Very good,” opines Zuckerberg.
It is, indeed, a good play, with moments of poignancy, good news for modern man, and emotions from A to Z. In case you can’t tell, I like the play. I relate to the stage manager if you must know. To see the play, as you should, Google where it is playing. At least a dozen high schools will be in the search results. Tickets may be only a few dollars to the high school, but Ticketmaster fees raise the price to $832.57 each. It is more if you print your ticket at home.
Where were we? Oh, yeah, small towns.
As all Americans know, most mass murderers in America come from small hometowns, and mostly they murder residents of small hometowns. The good news is that Mr. Lanza (Sandy Hook), Mr. Cho (Virginia Tech), Mr. Mateen (Orlando Nightclub), Mr. Crimo for the Highland Park parade, and the others all shopped local. As I am writing this, another small-town American boy killed and wounded a bunch of students at Michigan State University. See my Best of 2022 blog on ranking mass shootings. It is hard to keep up with this shit. At least he bought his gun from a local gun dealer.
And tonight, as I’m writing this, a small town in Ohio is being gassed by toxic fumes from a railway derailment. Fish are dying in their drinking water. Under advice from Gov. DeSantis, and with consent of Senator Vance, Ohio abolished its public health department to punish them for the mask mandate. People in that small town Ohio are told to hold their breath when outside as the air can kill you. Still, they are loving their freedom from masks!
Where were we? Oh, yeah, small towns.
Simon and Garfunkel were two dudes who are now octogenarians. But in their time, they sang some of the music that defined the Baby Boomer generation, such as “Sounds of Silence, Bridge Over Troubled Waters,” and “Like a Rolling Stone.” Of course, neither were Baby Boomers, and you know that if you read the last blog. But why are we beating this damn dead horse of generations again? We’re not. That’s not the subject of this paragraph. One of the final tunes Simon and Garfunkel sang together is “Our Little Town.” Now you can see where this is going.
By the time they recorded it, Simon and Garfunkel hated each other passionately, and they started fighting in the studio. Garfunkel, being the taller of the pair, smashed a Fender Stratocaster over Simon’s head. Simon bit Garfunkel on the ankle bringing down the big man just like Achilles when an arrow hit him in Achilles tendon. Achilles was instantly trampled by the chariots behind him. Simon was not trampled so he slithered over to Garfunkel who was writhing in pain, slipped a guitar string around Garfunkel’s neck and started to strangle him in D. Garfunkel passed out, and Guido, the owner of the recording studio stepped in to pull Simon off Garfunkel right before Garfunkel died. Then Simon passed out with a severe Fender Stratocaster concussion. Guido called two ambulances to have them sent to separate hospitals. Their love remained lost and each issued a solo album after the breakup. But each put their last duet together, “Our Little Town,” on their respective solo albums.
The song is a very sweet ode to small town America. The verses end with this line sung four times: “Leaving nothing but the dead and dying back in my little town.”
My sources tell me that Sam Smith (from a small town) and Kim Petras (from a small town) had a similar near-fatal dust up after the Grammys. Sam hit Kim over the head with a Fender Telecaster. Kim bit Sam in the… sorry, we can’t publish this on a family website. They came close to killing each other, but happily they both survived in separate hospitals. Needless to say, they will not be performing together anytime soon.
To end this blog on a musical note, another version of small-town bliss is expressed in the following song. Sorry there is no video, only audio on this YouTube clip. But the words paint a lovely picture:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTXfEip-OA8&list=RDFTXfEip-OA8&index=1